How Being Secretly Envious Destroys Men | Dateless To Dating

How Being Secretly Envious Destroys Men

By on September 8, 2010
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If there is one thing that bugs me even today when I have women around me at my pleasure, it is this. And this has nothing to do directly with women.

There is a voice inside us that tells us to envy others. You know… sometimes you meet a friend born with a silver spoon in his Armani side pocket… And you wish him well, secretly cursing that you were not born with a massive inheritance at 21. Life just isn’t fair. Here you are preparing the quotation of a potential sale in the office, and your friend is driving around in his red sports car without a care in the world.

The funny thing is people do not talk about this. NEVER. They never truly ADMIT it… even to those they are the closest to. We play the social game of wishing well onto others when a part of us thinks very much otherwise.

If that’s not disturbing enough…

There is an even smaller voice beneath that envy that wishes failure on the ENVIED. You don’t mind watching him fail at some point in his life so that you can feel better off than him just for once. Watch him suffer and laugh over him with your social group. It makes you feel superior and verified that your personal prophecy of “justice will be served” is inevitable.

If you have played a multi-player computer game like Counter-Strike, you would be familiar that the key objective is to win as a TEAM. When your team wins, every member gets to acquire better weapons and equipment. And that gives your team a better chance to win again.

If you have played Counter-Strike, be frank and tell me. Did you at any point hope that your team members do not overthrow you in the Frag Chart? You secretly don’t want team members to perform better than you because you want to be SUPERIOR than them. Yes. Sometimes you may want teammates to win the game for you… but inside you… you know you want them to screw up in the next game so that you can outperform them. You want others to SEE and ACKNOWLEDGE your superiority.

In the corporate world, you may find this situation familiar especially in the sales department. Everybody smiles at you and work as a “team”. But when your fiercest competition comes from within your department, all kinds of crap happens. “Colleagues” somehow just happen to find your exact same prospects at the same time. Your work can be sabotaged, and important documents go missing. You wish everyone well… but secretly wished that all the prospects belong to you only… everyone else will underperform… and you become the only logical choice for that promotion you have been eyeing.

Why am I talking about this thing called secret envy?

Because I think it is one of the biggest reasons that are stopping men as a whole from being successful with women and dating. Especially being envious of other men.

The need to feel superior to other men sabotages men as a group. This need is hard wired into us.

Have you ever had a chat with an attractive women you want… you are making progress… and your friend blows the lid on some of the stuff you are chatting about? Your “friend” undermines you in an attempt to screw up your chances with the women you are chatting with. You are socially expected to take his undermining as a “joke”… but you sure as hell know what is going on. He is sabotaging your efforts of getting the girl you want. This is social play at its best.

The “friend” does not want you to be superior than him. This can work at a conscious or unconscious level.

Even if you are a slick player who can easily get around these hiccups, don’t you feel disappointed that “friends” secretly don’t want you to succeed? Its tiring enough to handle the tests that women throw at us. Now we have to handle tests thrown at us by those that are “supposed” to wish us well…

I’m appalled at the kind of extents that “friends” can go to make sure you do not APPEAR superior than them. I’ve had friends who introduces fat chicks to me and insist that she is perfect for me. Attempts to screw up my game when I’m chatting with women. Tell women lies about me to screw up my chances. And even attempt to make me look like a dork ONLY when women are around. All these so that I will not have a WAY HOTTER girlfriend than their’s. So that they will not feel INFERIOR.

Last week a friend “ACCIDENTALLY” spilled the beans on me to a girl I was dating. He conveniently asked her if she was the girl that I’ve been talking about the whole week who drives a Hyundai. I know that he KNOWS that it is NOT her for obvious reasons that are too must to explain here. I KNOW what he was doing and he knows that he can get away with it by “really thinking that she is the Hyundai girl”.

Of course that girl asked me later if I was dating other women… and of course, I spanked her… But is it really necessary to sabotage your friends like this?

You may just argue that these are just fun. Really? If so, I’d suggest you look deeper and admit that this is very REAL.

I have friends who while hanging out with me, always look for clues that the number of women I have around me are just an illusion. This is even when they have seen evidence of my ladies social circle. Their minds refuse to process that there is someone right HERE in the group that is way more successful than them when it comes to women. Admitting it is admitting that they are INFERIOR as men. Am I crazy or does this thinking only exist in their OWN HEADS?

I find this group behavior fascinating. Especially when mass media has always projected that TEAMS always win. So… what if I suggest that this “thing” of secret envy leading to sabotage is something that exist in a primal part of our brains? Something that we cannot just erase like a corrupted file. It will not erase… and it doesn’t work that way. But what you can do is take other action DESPITE feeling it. Even not acting on it is a better form of action.

I feel that the kind of women that we want are within our grasp. And most times when we are unable to get them, it is due to “friends”. They tell you you are not good enough. They tell women what a loser you are on the pretense of telling a joke. And they may even make a move on that woman just to confuse the situation. Sad isn’t it?

I’m not even going to suggest that men work together to seduce women. That just doesn’t sound right… although it can be very effective. 😀 But BIG steps can be taken on our progress with being successful with women if we just stop sabotaging each other.

What I’m saying is that men can be way more successful with women when they stop sabotaging each other when it comes to women. If instead of sabotaging other men, you actually help them demonstrate value to the woman they want, what is going to happen? They may just return the favor as well. Although from my experience… other men will still continue to undermine you even if you helped them with their chances with women. Your assistance is perceived as justified because other men really feel that they are SUPERIOR! So in an effort to reinforce their superiority, they undermine you even MORE! That just sucks big time…

There are enough women out there for every men. There’s no need to display SUPERIORITY to every woman. So keep in check that urge to put down other men in the presence of women. Especially if she is someone that your friend really fancies.

So identify this little thing called envy when it comes up. And stop sabotaging the people around you… unless he deserves it of course 😛

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